September 29, 2023
I’m a child of the ‘80s. I was born in the late ‘70’s, so I really lived my best years as a kid during that sweet ‘80s decade. Big hair? Check. Awesome TV show and cartoon watching? Check. Riding my bike around the neighborhood without my parents really knowing where I was? Check. Y’all. I grew up in Baltimore. When I was 6, I would walk my sister and myself down to the 7-11 on the corner of a busy city street to buy Barbie cards and get Coca-Cola Slurpees. Yes – you read that correctly. And I had some strict parents. But they sent their SIX-year-old (albeit, super responsible 6-year-old) down to the city street corner for some trading cards, a sugary drink, and Bazooka Joe gum if we had some leftover coins.
My ‘80s nostalgia was triggered recently by a fabulous episode of Bluey (Season 3, Ep. 26) called “Fairytales”. First – if you haven’t watched Bluey, it’s time to try it. Second, in this episode, Bandit (the dad) is telling his daughters, Bluey and Bingo, about his sweet coming of age story – a story that takes place, as he explains it, “…a long, long time ago, in a place called the ’80s.”
Bandit’s story is outrageous to his rule-following daughters, who keep interrupting him to ask logical questions like:
- “You weren’t wearing a bike helmet??” (Bandit’s response: “This was the ’80s, man, there were no helmets! It was a wild place.”)
- “Nana sounds mean.” (Bandit’s response: “It was the ‘80s. Mums were allowed to be mean.”)
- “You walked to the shower block all by yourself? (Bandit’s response: “Yeah, it was the ‘80s!”)
In the ‘80s, I rode my bike to my friends’ houses. We picked each other up and as a gang, explored the neighborhood, rode to our elementary school, and then hung out at someone’s house. We’d go home for lunch and dinner. Again, I had some strict parents and I was still young doing all of this. But if I wanted to play with my friends, we just, well…played. Which made me wonder…
Remember when “playdates” were just, well…easy?
I’ve been thinking a LOT about playdates recently. Specifically, how play is just so important (obviously), but how hard it is to coordinate play with friends. My children crave playdates with friends. Due to WCPSS zoning, we attend an elementary school that is not close to our house. Our street is a tiny little pocket zoned to their school, and our street is located outside the greater area and neighborhoods which are closer to and also zoned to their school. Nothing against the school – it’s just not as convenient as the elementary school across the road from our house. LOL. And while my kiddos have a few wonderful friends who live in our neighborhood, many of my children’s friends (or hope-to-be friends) live in that area closer to their zoned school. They can’t ride their bike or walk to a house and knock on the door and ask if they can play. They have to ask for a playdate.
Y’all. Playdates are a miraculous act of scheduling and coordination. They require texting days or weeks in advance. They require calendar consultations, location choosing, shuffling activities, and planning. And that is if we already know the friend/family with whom they want to play.
If it’s a new friend playdate request? Forget about it. You have to give your child a note with your phone number on it so they can pass it to their friend in class, and then the friend is supposed to give it to their parents so you can then contact each other about setting up said playdate. AND if it’s a new friend, you often have the awkward back-and-forth of wondering if it’s a drop-off playdate, or a “do I stay to socialize” playdate, or do siblings come? Or the random worries if you host:
- Should I plan activities and crafts? (Nah – just let them get into some cars and Pokemon cards)
- Should I supply an allergen-free snack? (Sure – snacking is best at someone else’s house)
- I hope this other child thinks our house is fun so they will want to be my child’s friend (yes – I have thought this)
- And then all the worrying about meeting the other parents and if I am cool enough to host their child in my home (more on THAT and mom playdates in a future blog).
Playdates take a lot of work. And to be clear, we are often relying on inherently unreliable children to connect parents to each other, who then work together to master a logistical nightmare.
Again – this is just for our children to play with their friends.
I think this is the nature of our society right now, though. Things aren’t as easy as they may have been in the wild times of the ‘80s. Kids go to different schools and have friends from so many different activities. Maybe we just worry more because we know more things to worry about with our children’s safety. It’s harder to let them go off on a bike or a walk around the neighborhood, or go to a new friend’s home with a family we don’t know. Maybe it’s because somehow we are all expected to schedule our children into one activity after another, because you know, Harvard is calling in a few years and these kids need to excel at extracurriculars.
Ok, ok…that was super cynical. And yes, y’all – I am absolutely in there, getting caught up in all of that, just like everyone else. But the sad thing is, when my kiddos ask me to play with their friends, I think about how hard it is, rather than gifting them this awesome opportunity that comes with being a kid. To play with a friend. To learn how to be a friend.
I was in a classroom last week and a group of children were playing with cars. I got on the floor with them and told them how great they were playing together. One little boy looked at me and said, “We’re friends!”. Now that is organic play and some very inspirational words from a 4-year-old.
I miss the wild days of the ‘80s. But I probably miss it more because I was a kid back then, without all the worries and responsibilities that accompany being an adult and a parent. We live in a different time now, and that’s okay. I’ll just try to keep those simple words from a 4-year-old in my head when my kids ask for a playdate. Because, “we’re friends”. Done.
Until next time,
Jess