April 23, 2021 I went to the dentist yesterday afternoon. My blog cannot always capture my emotions or feelings, but I can tell you unequivocally how much I HATE going to the dentist. I have genetically-challenged gums and teeth and the discomfort and pain I experience when I go to the dentist is something I dread, but also something I have to hide from my children, because I don’t want them to hate the dentist.
I also have issues with the dentist because of the nature of the visit. You are stuck in a chair (a massaging one, though, so not terrible), your mouth is open with someone all up in there with scraping tools, and in my case, there is absolutely no escape from my gripping dentist anxiety, coupled with my internal thoughts that race in my mind. There’s no distraction. Even if the hygienist asks you questions (which is ridiculous, given the fact that you cannot answer), there is very little that keeps me distracted from my internal thoughts as I replay my day or week, my interactions, my conversations, etc.
Guys, it’s not a pretty situation. Honestly, I wouldn’t pay anyone to spend an hour in my brain. It’s scary up in there. It’s the inner sanctum of you know where.
Do you do that, too? Do you replay things that have happened? Go through an interaction with a friend, colleague, or family member and wonder if you have handled it well? Do you think, “That’s what I should have said!”? Think to yourself, “I hope they still like me!”? Or the worst…”Ugh…I cannot believe I did that.” It’s rough. I think that there are people out there that really can compartmentalize these things better than myself, and I congratulate them. I also think there are people who go to a dentist with televisions, and I want to know who you are. But at the end of the day, whether we are in the dentist chair, or awake at night, it’s all too easy to get sucked into the discomfort of just being alone with yourself and no one else.
As I was sinking into my racing thoughts and felt my hands clench into fists yesterday, I actually thought to myself, “This is the perfect time to talk to God. This is my perfect time to pray! He can help me.” But I struggled, y’all. I did. I didn’t spend that time with God or pray. I instead focused on the music that was playing in the dentist office. It was a solid mix of ‘80s and ‘90s rock. Bon Jovi, Pearl Jam (my absolute favorite band of all time), OutKast, Prince – it was a good mix. And then the next song that came on was The Beach Boys, “Don’t Worry, Baby”. Completely unrelated to the genre of any song that had played up to that point. Completely. We went from Pearl Jam’s “Dissidence” to the Beach Boys. I quieted myself and listened to the words…
“Don’t worry, baby. Everything will turn out alright.”
And there it was, folks. In my frustration to not know how to give it over to God, God came to me, in that dentist chair. “Don’t worry, baby. Everything will turn out alright”. Boom. A true indication that God hears me even when I don’t go to him first, and that he always speaks to my heart and my mind. It made me think of the bible story that Danny told in Preschool Chapel this week about the good shepherd.
“The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want.
He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters.
He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name’s sake.
Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.
Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over.
Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the Lord for ever.”
Psalm 23
My anxieties, and yours, are not going to go away. We will still be stuck in a dentist chair, or some equivalent of, alone with ourselves in our own personal sanctums. It makes me feel SO much better today, though, to know that we are never really alone. There is quiet in all of our storms. Sometimes we have to look hard to find it, but I’m thankful for the days when it’s right in front of us, in a Beach Boys song.
Until next time!