April 9, 2021 This blog is dedicated to my sweet preschool families!
Enough talk. Yesterday, I walked your walk. I’m looking at you, preschool families. I’m looking at you, families with older children back in school. I finally walked the walk that you have been brave enough to take since September, or October, or January. Yesterday, my little girl, my sweet 7-year old first grader, went back to school for the first time in over a year. Over a year! Last time she was in school she was a tiny Kindergartener. She had already conquered school fears, like riding the bus, buying lunch, memorizing that ginormous school ID number, and navigating classwork, homework, and friends. It’s been a long year since that last day she rode the bus home. A long year of doing first grade virtually, in the basement, next to her daddy, watching her mommy and little brother go to school each day. A long year of seeing friends and her teacher through a computer, a long year with some celebrations (she can read!) and maybe more than just some tears and frustrations (not just from my husband, either.)
Yesterday, I walked your walk. I took a first-day-of-school picture of my first-grader. I gave her a huge hug before I left for work, hoping to ease her anxieties. My husband dropped her at carpool and said he choked back a few tears of his own, watching his little girl with a huge backpack walk alone into a brand-new school building, hoping someone would help her in case she got scared or lost. Because, as you all know best, he could not go in with her.
Yesterday, I walked your walk. I waited impatiently until I could pick her up from school. I was anxious. I was anxious to hear about her day – hoping desperately that it was good. I was anxious for the carpool lane. I had no idea what time to leave my house to ensure optimal timing for a wait & pick-up, and honestly, I wasn’t even sure how to do carpool at this new building. To answer your question, yes, the school did send out some information about carpool, but I think if we are ALL being real with each other – we know some things get glossed over…LOL. I made sure my son and I had masks, I grabbed the carpool tags, and we headed out. In my impatience to get to the school, I missed a turn, extended my drive by 5 minutes, blew the timing completely, entertained my son while we waited in the line, and when we FINALLY pulled up around to the front of the school, I found someone else’s daughter waiting to get into my car. We made eye contact and we both knew things were not right. (The poor little girl – she was tiny like my daughter, probably just waiting impatiently for her mom to come rescue her, too.) It took another 10 minutes for them to find my daughter and get her in the car. Cue panic! What if she took the bus? What if she went missing? What if she ran away from a terrible day at school? It turns out that it was a complete mommy FAIL. I didn’t realize we got new carpool tags each year and I was using the ones from last year. Sigh.
Yesterday, I walked your walk. I sent my daughter back, after a very difficult decision-making process that was a year in the making. I put all my trust in a school to care for my daughter, out of my reach. I ached to know what was happening, how she was feeling, how she was adjusting, if she played with friends…only for her to climb into my car with the biggest smile on her face. She woke up super early this morning, so anxious to get back to school and to see her friends. Our anxiety quickly eased to relief and happiness.
Yesterday, I walked your walk. I thought of all of you while I sat in that carpool lane, thinking that this is what you have done this entire year. You have sat in a carpool line, made sure you had masks, carpool tags, entertained younger and older siblings, anxiously waiting for someone to remove your preschooler from your car and watch them walk into a building…without you. You went through this decision-making process, you put your trust in us. And I hope that you, too, see a huge smile on your child’s face when they climb into your car after school. I hope your anxiety has eased into relief and happiness.
Anyone can talk a big game. But what does your actual walk look like? Mine is truly one of faith. It’s by the grace of God that I can keep one foot in front of the other sometimes. It’s by the grace of God that I stay on the paths that call for me. In the end, my walk has given me even more empathy and sheer awe of you, my preschool families. Please know that today, even more than yesterday, I am so grateful that you not only talked the talk, but you also took a faith walk to the doors of our preschool. What a blessing it’s been.